After a long winding road trip… driving in a minimum of 120 mph at around 1am to 4 am in the morning, I woke this morning with a blank mind. I got up at around 7:30 am looked at my phone and sat at the couch and stare at the floor for a long time. When I went down, thats when I realized my grandmother, auntie who just finished her kimoteraphy from a breast cancer, and her son were going back to Mindanao and all I said to them was “bye and take care” and I went straight to the dining table as if they were just going somewhere and and be back the evening. Maybe because, I have been still thinking what I have been thinking the night before.
There is an incident in my childhood that I will never forget. One morning a woke up early and I was the first to wander around the house. The evening of that same day I was called by mom and asking for the money I had stolen from my dad. They were saying I was the one who was up early (which is not regular because I usually wake up at noon during those days) and I was the one who could actually have access to it knowing all were asleep. I know I did not get it and how much they insist that I was the one who stole it, I just can not say it was me because it was not really me. When all the interrogations and statements to frighten me was over, my mom approach me at my room and said to me. “Just say it was you. Your father will not stop because he knows it was you. He will stop if you will only admit it and everything will be over. I am at your back.” Trusting my mother, I said Yes. It took a time before my father could trust me again but the guilt feeling of your family not trusting and having you to admit things that you did not do is something I myself cannot tolerate. Now, I am face with same dilemna but in a different situation. I am now in a point to admit things I did not do just to get all the trouble finish and settled for my love ones not to get hurt or stick to not do the same mistake again. Will she be happy if I said yes? Or will she hate me forever If I say yes? Well, it does not matter. She hates me either even I said it was not me.
That’s all got to work…but cannot work, I am all but blank today…
if you like what you read... kindly buy me a beer...
